Go back to who you were before all that shit happened that dimmed your shine.
While this might sound like a rant, I can assure you it is not.
This is more about untangling one's self from all the things they might have experienced in trying to make themselves better, which actually made them worse.
We live in an age, where we pressure ourselves way too much.
There was a time, where we used to be eager towards life and were excited to see what the future holds, and while this obviously does not apply to the vast majority of people who have their life in order, this is targeted at the few who have been involved in circumstances that took away something from them.
As someone coming from that place, I know exactly how it is, it is a debilitating condition where self-confidence is at an all-time low and that which leads to one making stupid decisions and aligning with manipulative people whose only intent is to take advantage for their gain and possibly mock you.
One ends up digging a hole that keeps getting deeper until the time you are scraping the bottom of the barrel, and then 2 things can happen:
- one is you accept what is and continue that without realizing your true potential
- you snap and find a way back up.
This happened to me:
I could be considered a usually confident person, who is a good conversationalist and avidly curious.
I love learning things on my own, whether it is sales funnel building, graphic design ( I learned all software on my own) or website building ( I built my current company’s website, https://tingtong.marketing) and I am actually an event manager :D
Around 4 years ago, ambition got the better of me, ( not that I regret it now, I have started looking at it as the best experience of my life), I ended up diverting a large chunk of resources from our supersuccessful company toward a massive concert. And in a nutshell, it all got fucked.
A massive loss later, I found myself in a situation where the pressures of dealing with the losses were now coming onto my second company and it had started to fall apart.
And so began an endless cycle of trying to save the company while trying to prove to myself that I am better than what happened, I lived in a delusion where I could not believe this happened to me.
As it so happened, immediately after I incurred that loss, I realized I didn't have a single friend in the world.
People will inadvertently exploit the cracks in your armor when you are down.
The ones I did have, I was noticing had no faith in my abilities, I was living in a mirage all this while, and pretty much my entire belief system had collapsed.
I am a person who notices everything, that nudge that they make to the person sitting next to them when they ask you something or them not taking your opinions about anything seriously. Coming from a position of power, where you have been a leader and have commandeered a company for the most part of your working life, these things can be debilitating.
It is true, the elephant might leave the room and its tail might get stuck in the door, but people will not remember the rest of the elephant, they will only remember the fact that the tail got stuck.
That is what most people inadvertently do, they have a stupid self-absorbed, and dumb way of justifying to themselves that it is good they never had the guts or the balls to do what they thought was right.
Pretty soon, these things started compounding and so did the struggles at the company, and most importantly, my mental health took a downward spiral.
Until the pandemic struck, and for about a year, it offered an opportunity for me to dig deep and rediscover myself.
I finally realized that I was on a wagon wheel and needed to climb off.
I got back in touch with the person I actually am rather than being what I think I needed to be.
I am back now, and while the journey was not easy, it was definitely worth it.
Here is what I did, and what might work for you as well:
Nip it in the Bud.
You need to get to the core of the problem. Dig deep and introspect how you spend your days now against how you used to spend them when things were good.
For me, I realized it was the business partnerships I was in. I realized the wavelengths did not match anymore.
It was an illusion created through conversations of “We’re all in this together” that had kept those partnerships in place. Although it was just that, no substance.
The first thing I did was to end it. I had to move off on my own.
What about my obligations there? I can still meet them, but I do not need to sit in the same room and have conversations with people whose wavelengths do not match mine. In fact, one might argue, I have a better chance of meeting those obligations when I am on my own.
I used to be like a rock. That was stupid because one has to adapt and change.
I had shut off any ideas and anything and everything that did not align with the goals that I had set for myself.
If you do not be fluid enough to consider different possibilities, you will end up ignoring what might be good for you.
Think, think intentionally, anytime you get a suggestion. Whether it is from yourself or from someone you trust, don’t shut yourself off.
Distance yourself from negative people.
This might sound like a cliche, but nothing holds more true. You know those people I mentioned earlier, they are gone now.
I intentionally got away, surrounded myself with more positive people, genuine people (including genuine friends), those who spoke sense, even if they are rude to you.
I surrounded myself with people who make no bones about telling you where you stand.
Relive the past.
We live in an age where we have that liberty. This process has been immensely powerful for me.
I intentionally went through my recommendations on my Linkedin profile, checked invoices of earlier projects completed, had conversations with past clients.
Went through personal art that I had created, old photographs of a pompous confident ( but nice )guy me, happy times.
Doing this on a regular basis, got me back in touch with who I am. I never used to give a fuck about these petty annoyances, I had my eye on the ball, that was heading towards a specific goal.
I am back, largely because of this exercise.
Love yourself first.
Love yourself first is a given, but when one is vulnerable, it can get tricky. Because when one is vulnerable, they get taken advantage of.
Remember this as the first principle, do what is good for you. Nothing comes before that.
When making a decision, think a moment and see what that decision does for you.
Save your energy.
You need to give your energy to what serves you most because it is finite. Introspect the things that you have been holding on to as important.
I can guarantee anyone reading this, you will find you have been ignoring some if not all that things that are actually important.
Delete excess weight that you have been carrying.
Unsubscribe from the countless newsletters you have subscribed to.
Unfollow those self-help gurus on Instagram, only retain those that actually talk sense.
DELETE apps from your phone, especially your usual suspects. This is just so that you have lesser information to absorb. Get to a place where you decide when you want to log in and absorb only the information that serves you.
Declutter your living space, retain just what you need.
These might work differently for each individual, you know yourself best.
Tell yourself what you want to hear.
Don’t have stupid conversations with yourself. Those compound.
You know that little bitchy voice in your head, constantly telling you you are not good enough, and life sucks, and look at that asshole showing off.
Just fucking stop man. Tell yourself you are good enough, then compliment that asshole on living the life they want to, tell yourself your life doesn’t suck.
The more you repeat good intentions and good thoughts, the more they come to be. This is a guarantee because it is already you, you are already good enough, your life does not suck, so there is no manifestation really, you are just focussing on what actually exists.
Realize what you need to be grateful for.
As you are reading this, imagine you didn’t have the phone you are reading this on. Imagine not having running water to drink from or food to eat. Or clothes to wear. Or not having electricity. Or worse still not having a home.
There are people who have none of this. There are people who are in a far worse situation than you are (Pray for them).
Be thankful. FEEL thankful. I can guarantee you will feel better.
When you are feeling thankful, you are happy, you activate a series of actions that are toward moving forward.
Learn something new.
Treat yourself worthy enough to learn something new and add to your capabilities. It could be anything, the intention is to give yourself a boost and add to your arsenal.
The more you learn, the better it is.
Most importantly, give yourself a break and stop running yourself down, you are exactly where you need to be. Whatever is coming into your life is the result of what you have been doing.
Change your mindset and you change the result.
As I write this, I realize, all the shit that I have mentioned earlier had its role to play, in making me who I am today and I guess I just ended up realizing I have had enough of all that to last me a lifetime.
I am not vulnerable anymore, I am feeling more and more like myself again.
No feeling bad for my situation, no fuckery. I am better than that.
Be who you are supposed to be, be who you were before all that shit happened that dimmed your fucking shine.
If you ever find the need to talk, leave me a message.
But, stop putting yourself through all this.